I had a wonderful visit with my son during Christmas. I got him a xbox. He is now addicted to it. He can play it all day. I am afraid all the violence in the game may effect him in some way. But he has nothing else to do. His mother does not play much with him. He is alone. I tell and yell at his mother all time about that. My son has a worst childhood of me or anyone one I know. A child growing up without playmates. Without the witness of love.
I met a the most beautiful vietnamese woman at my bartending school. She got a job bartending/cocktail waitressing at a casino in North Las Vegas. She invited me to go visit her. So last night I did.
I sat there all alone. At the end of a really long bar. She was busy serving customers and chating with co-workers. And yet I was happy. For a while there. For brief moments of time. I felt the warmth of what a happy married couple must feel.
She didn't spend much time with me. She gave me this exotic plate of sushi she had ordered. Everytime she walked by me, she would say something. "Go ahead, finish the sushi" "I be right back" She would touch me on the should and say "You okay?"
She is married and her husband is wealthy is enough to buy her a brand new mercedes 550. 100k car. For some reason she likes me. Constantly smiling at me.
I was happy just sitting there all alone. An odd feeling. And never, did I look upon her with any sexual intent. NONE.
What a wonderful feeling knowing someone likes you....and you like them.
I envy people in loving marriages.
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I intend to bring my son and his mother back to seattle to live with me. I am forgoeing my search for true love. I'm trading my happiness living in a van to give my son a father. I just have to fight the misery with his mother.
That is the tragedy of my life. I should have both. And not have to choose. Shelter and a son. Not a choice of either.
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