Monday, August 31, 2009

Self Reflection

For some weird reason, I was in a good mood today. I was smiling all the time. Interesting thing happens when you walk around smiling, people tend to smile back.

I really have allot of bad habits. Its really easy to identify problems. but trying to solve them is a different matter.

I've known for a while now that all my problems come to a single source. Cigarrettes.

I don't smoke when I work. So in the mornings, my mind is clear and I'm in a good mood. When I get off work, I light a cigarrette. And immediately, I have Acto lie down from from the cig. It actually makes me tired and groggy.

When I my son was living with me. My temper and attitude sucks because of the cigarettes. Actually the lack of a cig. Whenever I've tried to quick smoking, the first week without smoking, I'm very agitated and easy to get angry.

So why do I smoke?

The answer is very simple.

In this city of millions of people, I can go days and days without ever speaking to a person. I didn't work last Friday. My 3 days weekend were spent without ever speaking to a single person. I guess there is still a little bit of a human in me. The human need to always feel recognized and feel like you exist. So what does all this have to do with me smoking?

Sometimes we bleed to know we are still alive (Its from a song, not sure which one)

I guess cigarettes is my knife.

I guess if we can't be happy to know we are alive, we do other things.

No comments:

Post a Comment