Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Money can buy a Soul

If a store sold "Friends" we would all gladly pay for one. 

The worst and biggest lie is - Money can't buy happiness

Oh yes it can.

If I had money, I would not be lonely. People will allow them into your circle. I would not freeze at night. I would have prestige in some circles. It buys happiness.

A long close friend of mine is rich.  He flies from country to country. His wealth is not important. The bottom line - he is not poor. In desperation, I told him I am living in a van. I told him, my bank account was in the negative. But what I would like, is money for my for my website. He then began the 1 hour conversation. mostly on my website idea. He did not offer to give me money. I did not ask directly. But living in a money left in bank account? He left me with the word "Call me and ask me for money if you need it and I will see what I can do"
Days passed, he never called me to ask how I am.
Days passed, I never called him.

Weeks later, I met the Taiwanese Church representative. After meeting him, I went to beg money from another friend. She is a student in her early 20's. We have only known each other when we used to volunteer together at a Medical Center. I bluntly told her, I need to borrow money. She immediately said "Yea, no problem". There was no questions of why or how come. She makes minimum wage. After she pays her bills, at the end of the month she will give me what she has left.

Friends are hard to come buy in life. If the Walmart sold "Best Friends" for much are you willing to pay? How much is a "Friend" worth? hundreds? Thousands? Millions?

The bottom line is....if you can buy a would pay for one. They are precious.

A church could have bought my soul. (Les Miserables)

By loaning me money, my minimum wage friend has now bought my friendship for life. 

Money can buy happiness, friendships and souls.

What I learned in 2014 - Broken man

I continue to see evidence the Church is not for me. And yet, again and again, God makes his presence known to me.

Ok, a delusional statement is about to come - My life has been following the path of 2 movies.

Have I not suffered enough? Have I not suffered the most painful sentence handed to a man - loneliness? When does it end?

.....No, in 2014 I realized God's wisdom. No, I have not suffered enough. For I all my life, I had never begged. No matter what dire environment I have been in, I never begged. I had pride. It was not until this year.
I had to beg. Begging, it breaks a man down. For with begging, is fear. I have faced the most evil men on earth, the most physical environments.  I have no fear. It was not until now, I knew fear. Pride gone. I had to beg.

Once you beg, you are faced to face with death. You are nothing. Your very existence is now in the hands of others. Do they wish to save you? You are humbled.

I am on the path of the movies Good Will Hunting and Les Miserables. Good Will Hunting is already played out in my life.
Now I'm on the path of Les Miserables. In order for his soul to be saved, Valjean had to be broken to his knees. I know see the ways of my failures. I failed myself. And God keeps on trying to save me.

What I learned in 2014 - Being Taiwanese is nothing special

Homeless or not, I have been a proud Taiwanese man. There was no one prouder. Now, I wish I can take down the word "Taiwanese" in the title of my blog.

- The people who kicked a 12 year old Asian boy out into the street in America....Taiwanese

- I am now 46, were there any incidents in my life where Taiwanese was beneficial? No

- I sent hundreds and hundreds of messages to people that were Taiwanese on facebook. Allot of them had my same last name. Made them aware there is a homeless Taiwanese out there. How many messaged back with any kind of message?.... Zero

- I hand delivered a letter to a Taiwanese Doctor. Dr. Laurence Tsai at St. Josephs Hospital. I park literally a block from his office. Told him to even talk to the Catholic workers and interview me or them. Did he respond? In this freezing weather did he even come take a look? NO

- I wrote to the Formosan church in Seattle. Finally my veil is unmasked. They sent a very nice and supportive man to interview. But allow the congregation know there is a homeless Taiwanese man? They are not going to do it. I guess if you are not financially well off, you don't get to belong to the Taiwanese social circle.

All, these years. Thinking being Taiwanese was special. Of all the Asian countries, I am grateful I was born Taiwanese. But the life long thinking it was something special? - A delusion.

I will miss Tacoma

I have a Temp job in Seattle to goto. I will miss Tacoma.

I will miss walking in the dark alleys.

Last night, I stood behind my van having a cigarette. A police car slowed, turned pulled behind and a policewoman steps out.

            "Where do you live"
me - Around

             "Are you homeless?"
me- Sort of
               " Got report of suspicious person around the Nativity House"
me -   The Nativity House is way down there on 25th
              "No the Nativity House is right here on the 14th"
me -   I eat at there all the time, its down on 25th
              "No its not. Its on the 14th. You have any ID on you?
me - No I do not (My wallet was in the van)
    She calls for backup. Now 3 police cars surround my van.
              "What is your name?
I gave her my name. She goes into her car to check my name and Van tags.

Meanwhile the other 2 police continue to question me. I told them "I'm not the suspicious man she is looking for."
My name and van tabs check out ok. They all leave.

I will miss shaking my head at the guy with slick back hair. Carrys a suitcase. Has a earpiece, wears a nice suit and tries to act like he is a stockbroker.

I will miss handing an extra pair of gloves to a total stranger yesterday. Its freezing and a woman walking around with no gloves. A newbie

3 night ago, again having a cig outside my van at 2 am. Out of no where a wall brown haired woman came out of no where. I mean just showed up like out of the shadows. She mumbling. Do you live in the van. Mumbling more stuff. She walks off. 1 minutes later comes back. asks for a Cig. I give her a one. She keeps mumbling but I never said a word. When approached by schizophrenics, give the stare and don't talk back. I did hear the words "Just whoring". She leaves.
I guess I will miss Mentally ill whores.

I will miss verbally bitch slapping 2 guys who tried to take my bag of potato chips.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Interview

They sent a man. A nice man. A man with good intentions.
I need shelter. Shelter while I take on a temporary job. I need someone to take me in temporarily.

I told him every detail of my life. Good and bad. And definitive evidence I'm no ordinary homeless man and evidence I am honest.

I apologized to him. For at that very moment, it was unfair to him. I was seeking shelter.
 Just because I am homeless, does not make it justified to expect help from a Church. It is also unwise to take a total stranger into a home. I would not recommend.
    He is in a peculiar situation. The church by its creed does not want to turn its back upon a needy. Yet it must protect its congregation from harm.
     I am Taiwanese and I presented it myself. Basically, he is pushed into a corner. It is a dilemma. He can't ignore me. Yet, a homeless man's plight is not what the modern church does. They want to just consult people with depression, marital issues and give a sermon or 2. An issue not welcomed. So I apologized for they are pushed into a corner.

      He said, my matter and situation would not be brought to the attention of the members of the church. It would only be talked about in a small circle of the heirachy. 

Funny, a homeless man and a church representative. And yet, sitting there, it was I who was pitying him. Maybe he pitied me. Why? I'm not sure.

I pitied him for it was unfair of a church to send him, knowing full well nothing will be done.
I pitied him .For....think about it....A few days before Christmas, and you knew someone needs help and yet you can't help. As a religious person, how does your mind wrestle with it.

Even now, after days of trying to understand it, I can't find the answer....Why would a church be afraid to tell their congregation there is a homeless Taiwanese person out there? Are we all not God's creatures? Treat all men like brothers? Usually, I"m very good at looking at things in all angles and understand all points of views. This one....has lost me.

He tried to offer me some money. I refused. I need shelter.

I walked out with a clear conscious. I'm not sure about him. It was so unfair to him.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas card from my Son

I told my 11 year old son weeks ago there would be no Christmas gifts this year for him. He told me he understands and he is ok with it. He knew I have been living in my van. He knew I went 2 weeks with $10 in my pocket and cannot afford gifts.

Yesterday, I got a Christmas card from him. Inside the card, was a $100 bill. I broke out in tears.

A 11 year old sending his father money.

I have to pack up and leave the library now. I am breaking out in tears writing about it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


I write so I don't forget.

I have developed a cold. Runny stuffy nose. Cough. And it has been cold at night - 20 to 30 degrees at night. The cold is not like reading about it. Its like having a mission to the North Pole. My shoulder muscles are always sore from being tense. There is a constant headache. Words cannot describe what trying to sleep in the cold is like. Peter and Katlin from the Guadalupe house decided to try it one night. They now understand.

                                                         The Biker
The past Sunday 12-30-2014, I ate breakfast at the Nativity House. I'm so anti-social, I didn't want to sit there with hundreds of the homeless and wait for lunch at 2 pm. I went to the Casino to drink coffee and watch Sunday football. I cannot get free food at the casino no more, they have caught me hanging around to much. But I went to get out of the cold even though I didn't have any money.

So I"m sitting there, pretty hungry and a man asks to sit at my tiny table and watch the tv. Sure.
He had tattoos even on his hands and knuckles. I asked him if they were prison tattoos. We talked about how the Emerald Queen is the best casino because it is just filled with riff-raff. The drug dealing, prostitution and the general clientele are the not desirable.
As I was getting up, he asked me to eat with so him. So he doesn't have to eat alone.
We went to the restaurant and he orders steak and lobster for both of us. He was constantly using profanity while talking. He was angry. He didn't understand what this life is all about
He has done time in prison
He used to be a the most violent man imaginable. He was a 1% in the G. Jokers biker gang. He got out of the gang and trying to do right in life.
We both agreed, 5-10 years ago, there is no way he could be seen talking and eating with me.
How amazing, some of the people I meet. And good Lord, I was hungry and he came along and gave me a meal.

                                                Nativity House

If you hang out in the homeless shelters, it is the women that will yell and cause commotions then the men. I know the reason, but not going to get into it. Saw 2 women with babies. Some how one started yelling at the one about stop showing the baby or something. I guess she was upset feeling the other lady was trying to get attention by showing of the baby. It don't matter what economic level....people will find odd things to argue about.

                                                  Walking to the library

I am sick. Tired. Headache. stuffy nose. Walking to the library at dusk. I pass a subsidized housing building. I can see through a window. 2-3 people on couch watching tv. Warm. They knew how to lie applications and get free housing. They know how it is like to be poor. They would never invite someone into their house to warm up.
I cross the street. The shiny cars are everywhere.
I'm tired. I have been randomingly asking people to look at my kickstarter. My website. I tell them I'm homeless.
I"ve emailed at least 100 people.
I"ve walked to St. Joseph Hospital and handed a note to a Doctor with my same last name
I've mailed letters to different organizations.
No emails of reply.
I've seen 40 people view my video of asking for help.
Nothing. No messages. No acknowledgement.

 I wonder if I really want to be successful with my website. For I realize, I am now an angry man.
If I am successful, how can you blame me if I don't help the people of the world. Where are they when I"m in my most dire state of mind.
Of course they have been wonderful, beautiful people.  I have been kept alive by my sister.

But right now, I just don't know what I would do if I was rich. I have always been a caring person. So , for me, I don't want to forget this moment.
I would always help the people that help and care for the needy. The Catholic Workers of the world.
But the general public, right now there is too much anger.