I cried today

I tried to sign up for the shelter at DESC today at 8 am but they told me they are full. Went and hanged out in my van. I was hungry but it is Sunday and there is free parking in Downtown seattle so I decided to just park and hang around. I was really hungry and at 1030 I looked on my sheet and it says some people will serve brunch at 10 am today. I hurried and walked to Columbia and 6th ave under the bridge. I got there in time and was served hash browns, coffee, pancakes, scrambled eggs.

While I as eating under the bridge, emotions came over me and I started to cry. But I wouldn't let myself cry. I would not let the tears flow. It would have been a little embarrassing. You just can't let the other homeless people and the people feeding you see you cry. So I held the tears back. But then 10 minutes later it happened again. I wanted to cry and still held the tears back.

One I was just so grateful for a good meal and the situation I am in has been a heavy burden emotionally......

In a few days, I will know if I will be working as a LPN nurse or not. If I don't get hired it will be because I didn't pass the background scrutiny. It is a DSHS background that no matter where I go to apply, will be conducted.

So in a few days, either I will be homeless again for a long time and being a nurse will forever be killed..
...or I have a job as a nurse.

2 Asian guys in a shelter. I would say there is 6-8 Asians in the facility. It is really hard to take a picture. I have to figure a way to sneak a better picture someday.

There is a group of Vietnamese temple people giving out a few things. What you can't really see is a video camera guy taping the whole thing so they can show to people how great they are. One guy drove a Mercedes and another a convertible BMW. Stayed 30 minutes so they can go home and feel like they did a good deed.

Update

Its been a long long time since I have written on here. I suppose its because well, I haven't been homeless since my last blog. I've been going to school to be a low paying nurse. One of my classmates was kind enough to let me live in a shack behind a house for $500. Basically most of my monthly income. Unfortunately, I maybe bloggin more because I have to leave. School is over and I have no income to pay for rent. Looks like back into the Van is about to happen very soon. Even though I have graduated, I still have to wait for a license exam. I have. High anxiety right now over if I can pass the license exam and about when I will be giving up shelter again. sigh.

May have to start writing here again

Story of my life. Trying to dig out and something always drags me back.

I've been trying to better myself since my last post 2 years ago. Been going to school. Studying hard on the pre-reqs. Got out of the van and found a tiny place with no private bathroom.

Finally on Jan 1st I found a place I could afford from some Chinese people. Something is fishy. They make excuses for giving me a copy of the lease agreement. Now they want to up the rent.

On top of that, my unemployment money is up. Been on unemployment for 2 years now. And come to find out my FAFSA money for school is up.

What a crazy week. Its like a perfect storm. The timing is insane. How can all these things all happen the same week.

Next quarter of  school starts in 5 days.

Tuition not paid.

After rent I'm broke.

I have no money coming in from unemployment to live on.

Looks like I may have to quit. sigh. So stressful.

I haven't seen my son in a year.

Only thing thats keeping my sane and lets me keep my mind off the incoming doom back to living homeless again is the Jeremy Lin story.

I've been watching just about all the Youtube videos on Jeremy Lin. I used to play basketball everyday when I was younger. Plus he is Taiwanese. Sitting around and hoping I get some miracle extension for Unemployment. I will hear something next week. The mind is going crazy. So much hope and yet it may all be for nothing. Only thing that keeps this depression away is the following that miracle of JLin. Finally a black president. I guess you can have an Asian as a point guard in the NBA too. Definitely a feel good story.

Anyways, was thinking I didn't need to write in here again. But things been bothering me so much I had to let it out. Even if I get funding then there are other issues not totally addressed.

Sigh.