Getting cold

Frozen Spider Web!

The land of opportunity

We all complain about this country once in a while but this is still the best country to live in. This gives country gives a poor person the most opportunity to rise up. If you study hard and work hard, you can rise from poverty. If you are in China, all the studying and working hard may still leave you in the lower end of the economic scale.

Unless you are a old guy....like me.

For a young person, education is easily gained here.

I've been reading study guides on SAT. My brain just can't seem to retain the information. I can't seem to motivate myself in the van to read these mundane texts. I end up just watching DVD's. I was parked in Chinatown one day and noticed I studied alittle more.

Not only am i fighting cold and physical weariness but my true problem is my mental health. It is really hard to read when your mentally depressed. I've noticed if I park my car in Chinatown or bring out the book at the laundry mat, I actually would read it.

Anyways, having a hard time here trying to prepare for the Compass test.

Oh yea about aiding your brother

So, the debate came up, If your family member just committed a major crime, would you aid him in to get away?

For me, the answer is an unwavering YES!

I'm his brother or father or Uncle...whatever, my job is to support and love my family members. I'm not the police. Its the police's job to catch him.

There is one factor that would make me turn him in. If i'm pretty sure, if my brother was loose, he would commit the crime again.

I'm not condoning killing. I'm 100% against any man killing another man. But that is a "action". Once that happens he is still my brother. If I turn him in, I've just killed my brother. He would be sent to prison or executed.

We all have roles to play. My role as a family member is to love another family member. Unconditionally.

Suppose my brother is very anti abortion. He bombs a clinic and kills someone. I maybe horrified and my personal views on abortion are different from his. His action is wrong. But he is still my brother. He killed a man. But i'm not about to kill my own brother for his evil act.

Would you aid your brother who just killed someone?

On Halloween night, A gunman pulled up next to a squad car and opened fired on 2 police officers. One of them died.

A month later, last Sunday, a man walks into a coffee shop and shoots dead 4 police officers. One of the officers was able to shoot the suspect in the stomach. Last night, after the most frenzied man hunt I've ever seen, the suspect was found by a stolen vehicle and shot dead by a lone police officer.

A few things I found amazing:

The suspect with a stomach gun shot wound was able to evade the police for 2 days.

The 2 coffee baristas working, immediately ran out of the coffee shop. When they looked back, they saw one of the officers struggling with the assaliant. The 2 baristas then jumped into their car and drove off! They drove off accross the street and asked a man to use his cell phone to call 911.

Are you kidding me? There are plenty of stores and people around that strip mall! They had to jump into their car to call for help? What abou alerting the people in the stores right next to them?

The police were able to quickly identify who they were looking for after 6 hours. The suspect was able to somehow get to seattle. The police surrounded a house in seattle. They are 100% he was in the house. They even had visual. Some how he excaped that house!

So he is on the loose. Somehow, he was spotted getting on a bus to UW. This black man's face has a big mole. He is very identifiable. He is also only 5'7". You telling me, he was able to get on a bus and exit a bus bleeding and all?

The police found allot of blood at a park. Surrounded the park and did not find him

They searched other buildings from tips and did not find him.

At 2:45 am. A lone officer saw a parked running vehicle. Determined it was stolen. Then he saw the suspect walking up and shot him.

This guy really had a lucky time eluding the police. Remember, his was a guy shot in the stomach bleeding to death.

Which side of the table?

Yesterday, I'm taking off my work clothe. Taking off the double layer of thermals, double socks and changing into a pair of guess jeans and a nice shirt ....just to go take a shower! And it dawned upon me. I feel like I'm a actor in a play or something. Changing my costume for the next scene. Why do we as people do these simple things just for the pleasure of others when they see us? odd

So, I finally bought a good vacuum cleaner off Craiglist. I used this email address to ask about the vacuum cleaner and well as fate has it, the man is Asian and his name is David. He of course became curious. I would be too if some guys email was homelessxxxxxx. I agreed to meet him at his Church. I was amazed at the large crowd of Asians going to the same Church. I had a nice chat with David and took all the little pamphlets and goodies people thrusted at me. That night, I actually read the church pamphlets. And as it turns out, this David, is in charge of the Church's monthly activity of feeding the homeless under a bridge in Seattle.

A guy who is in charge of feeding the homeless from a Asian church randomly puts an item for sale and is responded by a homeless Asian...........Sounds way too neat, but it is true. hmmmmm.

So immediate reaction, I'm going to go join this merry group of church people and help them feed the homeless.

Then a interesting situation came up before I went to sleep. I could actually be fit on either side of the table. I could feed or be a feedee. So which side of the table do I belong? Should I be serving or feeding? I guess I could be on both sides. But which side is the true me.

The answer was obvious. I belong on the side being fed. Its not that I want something for free. But the people serving the homeless are not there just to fill the stomachs of the homeless. The homeless will be hungry again in a few hours. They come to serve the food to practice compassion.
The spiritual act is bigger than than deed.....I would not be doing it for the same reason.

Besides, I'm homeless. I'm not homeless homeless, but noneoftheless, a stuggling human being.

And if you ask me, I feel more comfortable on the homeless people side. But the goal is someday be more comfortable will the "normal" people.

Good bye for now son

I've decided to cut off everything with the crazy woman who has my son. Thus, it also cuts me off with my son. No more phone calls. Nothing. It hurts allot. But nothing I'm not used to.

Your mother is adament on visiting Vietnam. I've been pushing her for years to visit Vietnam with you. You need to learn a native language. To see there is a land that people accept the way you look. Salt lake City....not the most diverse in the world.

Look at the crazy scenerio that is happening.....

Your mom is going to use up her savings for the visit.
She plans to for at least 6 months. What about coming back to make money?
When you two return, there is no job or money in her savings.

While you two are there, I'm suppose to give her money to live.
I am currently homeless.
I have less than $1000 in savings.
There is a looming flood in Kent at our warehouse that may put me unemployed.
What is I lose my job or get injured while you two are in Vietnam?

So I spoke to a couple of Vietnamese people. They told me a single woman and a boy traveling alone is very dangerous in Vietnam. Especially, your mom doesn't even know where you two will be staying.

Even with all these things stating its a bad idea, I still decided I can support it.. On one condition, Your mom have her brother call me and convince me you will be safe. Because your mom is not the brightest person in the world and her past history tells me here statements are usually false.

Well, she became more infuriated and refuse to have your uncle call me. That's all I want. Some way to be assured when you goto vietnam, you'll be living with relatives. Not in a apartment randomly rented. Its a communist country for God sakes. And I still haven't found another vietnamese person who tell me a single Americanized woman will be safe running around by herself.

Your mom gave me the ultimatum"You support me on this trip or you don't talk to your son no more"

"Fine, You cannot use are son as a pawn in our arguements. If that is case than so be it"

I called her back and told her "We are done. We are through"

I've tried and gave everything but enough is enough. I think the future will be brighter if there is a complete break. 100% no contact.

Son, I don't expect you to understand. Understanding or not, is trivial. You don't care and should have to care about all this. All you want is to have a normal life with a father, mother and people who can show you life and love. God, I hope you turn out better than me and you mother have.

The true reason I love a haircut

What a freaken disappointing day! Fuck, I think I"m actually a little peeved. I woke up this morning excited. Anticipating my haircut. Actually, I don't go for the haircut. I go to get a shampoo.

I always goto this vietnamese barber/school in Chinatown. The haircut is $6 and the shampoo is $2. The shampoo is usually such a treat! A nice vietnamese girl who speaks little English will shampoo. She massaged your head. Her body is inches from your face. You can't help but smell the scent from her body. And she usually massages your forehead. And conditioner is also massaged. The most wonderful feeling ever. All for 2 dollars! Well worth the price! And for me, its been over a year since I've had any human physical contact. I have to goto get a haircut once in a while to get my human contact on! lol

Well today, the barber is some woman I"ve never seen. She is all professional. The usual shampoo session that lasts 15 minutes only took her 5 minutes. There was no massaging. Shampoo, rinse, conditioner, rinse and show me the money. Sigh........

The Office

Its been a while since I"ve written. Its because of a new addiction....The Office. I've never seen the tv show before. The latest Netflix selections hasn't been been too appealing. So I took a chance and rented what appeared to be a popular tv show on Netflix.

Strange, I find myself happy in the last month. I find myself smiling and laughing out loud sometimes. Memory of insane scenes from the tv show creep into my days.

I don't know how it reflects my weak state of personality but a tv show has actually influence my mood. I"ve been depressed, sad, angry. There is not many things to cheer me up. And then came The Office.

I find myself not as upbeat on the days I'm waiting for a new dvd. So I find myself pirating episodes off the internet. I"m halfway through season 5 now. And now a new fear has creeped in.

I love this new euphoria of good feelings during the day. What will happen when there are no more new episodes? I find myself futifully trying to limite myself to only 1 new episode a day. Trying to prolong the dreaded day when I've caught up to the current state of the tv show.

Glen Beck Day

Ok, I know the world is a crazy place filled with irrational people. Me included.....But the Mayor of Mount Vernon is going to invite Glen Beck and make a Glen Beck Day has even me going..."What the Fuck???"


Glen Beck, a news manipulator who gains fame by putting fear into his viewers and putting out lies on air. And that's the person you choose to name a day after?

You telling me, you as a mayor can't find a war veteran or a out standing person in your town to name a day after?

Sometimes, since I cant understand the decisions some people make.....I must be the insane one.

The world creates who we are

I'm not saying anything new. We all treat others by are own biases judging by the other person's appearance. I've come to many conclusions why I really don't like people.

I treat everyone the same. I wish all people I treat everyone I come accross with kindness and respect. Well, that is a rare event these days because I go days and days without ever speaking to anyone. But when I do, I wish them well.

I speak to the homeless person without a shirt the same way I held the door open yesterday for a man in a tie. But why does the rest of the world not act the same way I do?

I've been sick a few days. I had to water my hair down this morning. I haven't shaved in a couple weeks. I just looked in the mirror right now in the Safeway bathroom. Wow, my appearance is really bad. Sleek oily looking hair. Face looking all sick and tired. Hair on my chin.

If I saw myself walking on the street, doesn't look like I person I want to befriend.

Oh, how different my personality is compared to my exterior expression.

I guess my rough exterior has had its benefits. Getting through tough times. Tough places where a sweet normal person would have problems. Even thugs are afraid of "crazy".

I looked in the mirror today. Its been a while. I suppose I can't blame the world for being indifferent to me . Our appearances. How it affects the world around us. Its so odd. Because If I shave and wear normal clothe, people tell me I'm so handsome.

What a shallow world this is.

The fool vs the Drug Dealer

I haven't ate a good meal in a few days. This morning I was able to get a take out of rice, squid and chicken. Ate every last spoonful. I suppose the nourishment gave me the energy to get myself in a interesting confrontation today.

Today, I'm driving my delivery truck in Chinatown. I'm at Maynard and King. The hot spot of drug dealing, prostitution and the homeless to congregate. Its smack in the middle of Chinatown and the park is their haven/headquarters. The car in front of me stops and a black man from the park gets into the car. Then jumps out. But the car still not moving. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what is happening. So I decided to pull next to the car really close. He tries to move forward and I pull forward too. Boxing him him.

The driver is pissed. Yelling profanity at me. And yell back. "Fuck you. Stop selling drugs in my neighbor hood!" Well the profanity yelling went back and forth. He finally thinks he can intimidate me and get out of his car. He is a monstor of a man. 6'4" at least 240 lbs. "Fuck you ! go sell drugs in another neighborhood!"

He gets back into his car and we yell at each other some more. He gets out of his car again. This time I get out of my truck. In the middle of the road, in the middle of Chinatown, I spread my arms

"Hit me! Cmon hit me. Take your best shot. Hit me as hard as you can. In fact, I"ll even turn around for you!!! " I even turn my back to him.

The half black half white man was so mad. He wants to hit me so bad. His partner urgin him to get into the car and not attract the police. I want him to hit me. He gets back into the car. Well, I don't need the truck towed after I'm taken to the hospital so I hop back into my truck.

For some reason, Chinatown in Seattle is a haven of prostitutes and drug dealers. The criminals rule the night in Chinatown. DRive through Chinatown at 6 pm. Store owners barricading their stores and the place is deserted before 7 pm. But its not the drug dealers fault. The Chinatown Business Association, owners who made their riches their and yet will not fund simple steps as putting up bright lights to discourage criminal activity. There is Donny, the lone neighborhood policeman who has his hands full with resident issues.

I don't blame the police. They are doing their part. Arrests are made and new wave of dealers and users move in. No, I blame the rich owners of the resteraunts. Invest a little to combat the crime. Lights, private security, How about the simple thing of locking your trash bins. .....no they only have one thing in mind. Money.

Putting my body in the line of fire. Hit me motherfucker! Let my blood stain the streets from a drug dealer in Chinatown. Bring the spotlight of attention! Doing my good of a homeless Asian for my own people who shun me! None of them would let me use their shower to clean myself. And yet I put my body in the line of Fire for them.-------I'M A FOOL

Scratch it

There is a lady sitting in front of me in Safeway right now scratching away at her lottery ticket. It must not have been a winner. She went and came back with another one.

In the past, my view have been of disapproval. I see the Casino buses in Chinatown. The elderly, with their social security checks off to deposite it in the loca casino.

The lady in front of me must be around 77 years old. Now I'm older, I understand her now. Life of the elderly. The same rutine everday. All your friend and family have died. Who would want to befriend a old woman. To love again is out of the question. Life of boredome. For a dollar a small flash of hope and excitement for the week.

Scratch away grandma. Scratch away.

Why are Asian people fearful of other Asians?

It sucks so much to be an Asian person in America. I can go on and on. But the self discrimination among us is the worst.

Im hanging out at the Safeway Starbucks. Watching Heroes. a almost shirtless white dude sits down with a Asian woman. They are talking about how to get 10 dollars to get to Tacoma and what to do for money once they are there. Holy Moly!! I finally see a homeless Asian person and there she is. She is dressed quite normal. Not skinny or fat and I would say close to 50 years old.

It takes a homeless man to recognize another homeless person. Especially when they leave, they leave behind a bear can on a Starbucks table. lol

When I left Safeway, those two were at a table outside. I went to talk to them. We had a 5 minute conversation. She actually spoke Chinese to me.

It was a very awkward conversation. She and the shirt white dude are not a couple. And she makes an excuse they have to look at some places and said goodbye very politely. I watch them walk down half a block and then sit down again.

What they hell??? Even homeless Asian women are afraid of other Asian men? Why? A black man starts a conversation with a black women and there is not fear. A homeless mexican women will seek out other Mexicans to conversate with.

What is up with Asian people?

Why are we so unfriendly to each other?

I really miss my son

The wacky woman and my son calls me up last night. I guess some mexican kid is calling him names. He doesn't know what to do.

My advice

"Remember son, dealing with people can be a very difficult part of life. Just remember, mom and dad love you. No matter what happens outside, when you come home, there are people that love you.
Just try to ignore he kids that are mean and go hang out with kids you like. But it the kids keep on pestering you, sometimes you just have to calll him names back. Sometimes you have to fight back. "

I'm glad I"m not in school no more.

You Asian You must smoke

I remember walking downtown Seattle and a out of the blue a man asks me for a cigarette. I gave him one. I asked him, why did he think I would be have a cig. He ansered, because you're Asian.

Right at this moment, I'm in the Des Moines public library. The good laptop spots are taking. So, right now, I'm sitting accross a black man with his laptop. And you know what he asks me?

"Do you have a cigarette?!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell? Even in a public library I'm getting hit up for cig?????

Self Reflection

For some weird reason, I was in a good mood today. I was smiling all the time. Interesting thing happens when you walk around smiling, people tend to smile back.

I really have allot of bad habits. Its really easy to identify problems. but trying to solve them is a different matter.

I've known for a while now that all my problems come to a single source. Cigarrettes.

I don't smoke when I work. So in the mornings, my mind is clear and I'm in a good mood. When I get off work, I light a cigarrette. And immediately, I have Acto lie down from from the cig. It actually makes me tired and groggy.

When I my son was living with me. My temper and attitude sucks because of the cigarettes. Actually the lack of a cig. Whenever I've tried to quick smoking, the first week without smoking, I'm very agitated and easy to get angry.

So why do I smoke?

The answer is very simple.

In this city of millions of people, I can go days and days without ever speaking to a person. I didn't work last Friday. My 3 days weekend were spent without ever speaking to a single person. I guess there is still a little bit of a human in me. The human need to always feel recognized and feel like you exist. So what does all this have to do with me smoking?

Sometimes we bleed to know we are still alive (Its from a song, not sure which one)

I guess cigarettes is my knife.

I guess if we can't be happy to know we are alive, we do other things.
I

Record heat

Today, the temperature in Seattle reached 102 degrees. A record high. It has been hot all week. Everyday, the temp has been in the high 90's.

I went to the library to cool off and every laptop station was taken. People were everywhere trying to cool off. So I went to Safeway. Surprisingly, I'm the only laptop here. There is a bunch of people here hanging around, out of the heat. But I'm so surprised no laptops.

Love Hate of Asian people

I love being with Asian people. And yet why do I hate them so much?

I went to the Tea Palace in Renton to ask them about the bartending position. I went in and ordered some take out. The manager was outside having a cigarette. When he came in, I asked him if they still need a bartender.

owner "You a bartender?"
me "I went to bartending school"
owner "We don't need a bartender"

When I asked him the question, he took a look at me.....and I already new....no way he is hiring me. It didn't matter if I had 10 years of bartending experience.

Asian owners want white people to bartend.

What the fuck! Us ASians are being discriminated against by our own people!!

losing my memory

There are always something interesting that comes up in my mind everyday that I think I should write. But once I get on the laptop...I can't remember it. I'm losing my memory. Mind

I'm sitting in the library and my stomach is growling. I'm going to go take a shower. Then I'll go up to the Tea house and talk to them about a bartending job. Very unlikely I'll be considered for the position. The advertised needing a experienced bartender.

I'm not a experienced bartender.
I"m a Asian male.
And I have major felony convictions.

Finding a job is almost impossible.

End of July Updates

Been a crazy July.

Played good poker at Muckleshoot. Was up like $2000. Quickly lost it all playing baccarrat. Story of my life. Win it in poker. Lose it somewhere else.

Had a Korean microsoft employee interested in me. But she was not my type. Finally got her t stop calling me and asking me to go out all the time.

For 2 weeks. Went to bartending school. Just got my liquor license today. But the out look to land a job is very slim. The casinos won't hire me cause of my felony record. And I'm Asian.

Been pretty lonely lately. Spending allot of money driving here and there.

I will try to start writing more.

Give Life a Chance

Things have been so dark in my life. Trying to make it in Poker and all it gets me is chronic brokeness. No friends. No family. My son living 800 miles away. Smoking like a train. I can feel my body slowly dying.

Something came over me today. To give life a chance. Maybe because I finally figured out what I've been doing wrong in Poker. I've come to the realization, I basically commit suicide at the poker table because of my personal life.

I have to give life a chance. The will to want to live. And it will reflect positively in other aspects of my being.

The Impossible Climb of my Son

I want to list the how tough it is for my Son in his future. Emotionally, Spiritually. But what could conquer all that faces him is Love. And there is the delimma. I"m 800 miles away. How do I infuse Love into his life to offset all he is to face? God help him.


Can only Speak English-
He is Asian. But can only speak English. I nagged his mother constantly to speak only Vietnamese to him. She does not take it serously.

He is born to a very poor family

He has hardly any playmate. To get anywhere in life, is to have friends.

He does not witness any love. His mother yells and argues with his grandma. His father and mother do not love each other. He has no idea what love is.

When older, he is Asian. Looked upon as uncool. Smaller in statue than other students. Does not have the home training to be more knowledgeable than other kids. Where does he belong?

No faith. He does not goto Church. Where will his spiritual heart go?

Oh, I fear for my Son everyday. It be a miracle if he is a Happy teenager. Impossible. The anger of his situation will surface.

Why do other kids have it so much better than him. He'll want to belong somewhere with somebody. But who? He can't speak Chinese or Vietnamese. He lives in a Hispanic area and they do not accept him.

One day a Hispanic girl tried to play with him. Her mother rushed over and took her away. Scolding her. She is not to play with him. Even the Hispanics look down upon that house.

God help him.

Asian women running to White guys..figured out

Ok, while getting dizzy watching the dryer go round and round, I a few things came clear to me.

What was not clear was a white guy putting his clothe in the dryer. He takes his clothe, shakes them out. Then lay them nice and neatly in to the dryer. Laying each on gently and gingerly on top of one of another. Well.....you get the point. Actually, I don't get the point of it all and I'm not about to ask him.

Most people frequently the laundry mat are Hispanics. As I watch the ladies deligently wash multi loads of clothe, the question emerged...why are Hispanic women not flocking to White men like Asian women?

The latest census report show--Asian Women Marrying White Men were the largest multi racial mix to gain in the last 10 years. BY A HUGE PERCENTAGE. Any other mixed marriage were not even close.

Why is it only Asian women?
Why are the Hispanics, Native Americans, Arabians women not look at their race of men like trash like Asian women do?

The answer is culture.

The Asian culture is a sad culture. There is no happiness.

Everyone culture has celebrations. Music. Parties to cement relationships of family to family. Sports.

I sat in the laundry mat watching Mexican channel. The Hispanic women can see Hispanic men, prominent in Soccer. Highest paid Soccer athlete making 20 million a year is Hispanic. The Music of Latinos. The dancing. They have something to be proud of in their culture and their men.

What the hell do us Chinese have? Shit, I can't think of one Asian man I'm proud of.

I don't blame the Asian women running off to seek happier pastures.

ASIAN PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHER ASIANS..

I just had a crazy emtional experience. It went from Shock, worried to Anger in a spane of 1 minute.

I'm in the library. A friend calls me. Wants to talk to me. So I told her call back in 1 minute. We are not allowed to use the cellphone in the library. I've had the library police scold me before. I see 2 Asian ladies sitting at the table next to mine. So I unplugged my laptop and took it over to their table.

I asked the to watch my laptop. I'll be right back. I just need to make a phone call. They nod their head.

I talked outside for 9 minutes. When I walked back into the libarary....I don't see the ladies. I walked to the table and do not see my laptop! What the fuck??? Those stupid ass Asian ladies stole my laptop! Unfucking believable!

I looked around, walked around and saw the two ladies in a classroom. I walked in on them. I asked them where is the laptop. They say sorry, they forgot. They have a class and forgot. ARe you fucking serious!!! So, in their classroom I chastised them! "You left my laptop on the table all by itself? And look (I pointed at the table) Someone has stolen the laptop!"

Their faces is what angered me the most!!! There was no reaction of shock..sorrow or OMG!!! No, it was 2 faces of calm and just ....oh, sorry, we forgot.

Never trust Asian people. If I was white, they would have guarded that laptop with their lives.

The tough things about being Homeless.

I've come to realize lately my blog has less and less posts of me being homeless. Its more of my stupid stories and me bitching about the world. And today, something odd came into my email. Someone from the Asian English newspaper want to interview me about Homeless Asians.

I personally wouldn't mind or care. But the news to the few friendships I still preciously hold on to would be destroyed.

What is it like to be homeless?- ------

Truthfully, its not all that bad. Last weekend, I ate at a Buffet. Watched "Hangover" at the movie theatre. Not a horrible life you people imagined huh?

What is the toughest issue about being homeless?----------

By far the number issue...Loneliness. You can't find new friends because..well..who wants to befriend a homeless person? The badge of "homeless" is worse than a badge of drug addict.
And the old friend who used to have...well who wants to continue being a homeless loser's friend?

The toughest inconvenience----------------
Definitely your hygene. If you have to go use the bathroom in Seattle, and you look homeless...I don't think most people understand how tough it is to find a place. I give you a crazy example.
One day, I really really had to take a piss. I went to DESC on 3rd and Cherry. DESC, a nonprofit who's motto is about helping the homeless, well they wouldn't let me use the bathroom!!! To this day, I'm still baffled by that. The person at the front desk says I have to be a registered client.

Basically, being homeless is really not that tough of a life. However, should your feet gets tired and want to lay down and take a nap...good luck trying to find a comfortable place.

I tell you what is the toughest thing for a homeless person..............
Trying to financially jump from being homeless to a house. First, last month's rent and a deposite. Electricity....bills...well you people in the general public understand.


Over all...being homeless is not that hard. But would I like to live in a nice house??? Hell yea!

Wishy Washy Ex

I've tried to get my son and his mother to come to Seattle to visit. An opportunity to take him camping and get away from Utah. I've offered to pay for everything. Last month, she says ok. Now she doesn't want to. She wants to go visit Vietnam. I was upset but ok with it.

This morning she calls and now I've agreed to give her $800 dollars a month when she goes to Vietnam to help her. I'm very ok with her going to Vietnam. I believe my son needs to learn a second language. But when she comes back, she will not have a job. So I've agreed I would give her $800 even after she returns to Utah for living expenses.

So, Benjamin, when you read this when you are older, I try and do whatever I can. But man, your mother is so Wishy Washy and have no clue how lucky she is still have an ex willing to help her.

Sigh

Beach house

The car on the left is mine

Low tide. Picture of the house from the water

The veiw of the ocean from my room

Bald eagle!

So again, I pretended to be normal and joined some old friend at a beach house. Its owned by an old friend's sister. I really had fun and enjoyed myself. It was bitter sweet being there.

Sweet- Nice to goto the beach, eat good food and have company.

Bitter- Realized how humans really don't care for other humans.

As I drove to the ferry dock and off, I pass homeless people. These rich folks that have beach houses would never invite a homeless person to there home. They would not give .5% of there income to give someone a better life. Sigh. But a stray dog....they bend over backwards for it.

Crazy rich these people are. The beach house is worth close to 2 million. And they don't spend very much time there. They have a main house in Seattle. Inmagine how nice their Seattle home must be! On top of that, they have a ski lodge in Whistler! The property tax on that beach house is more than I make a year! Sick. The owners are around my age too. They been retired for 14 years. And their kids are only 13 and 16.

I still think its funny. A homeless man hanging around a 2 million dollar beach house. If they only knew!

Sick

I sucks being sick. I watched the DVD Crashed last night. It's not the kind of movie I would be drawn to. But it had good reviews so I gave it a try. There is a part that made me cry so hard. I've never cried so hard in a movie. So I guess there is some good about that movie.

Where is the hair?

Ok, so I shaved to let my son see what shaving is all about. Don't worry, I'm growing it all back. Didn't take many pictures. Really miss my son right now. Sad to leave him. I feel his lonliness also. But I'm also happy to be away from his mother. At least 4 times she really got on my nerves. Like, we too our son to his first soccer game the day after I landed. She got him shin guards. But didn't know to buy him soccer shoes. So, while all the other kids were playing a serious game of soccer in spike shoes....my son is running around the field in shoes that has flashing lights.....lmao. So funny right now, but sitting on the sidelines, I was so mad and embarrassed.

Can't wait to have my Mongol look back. It takes me like a month to grow my Fu Manchu.

Acting as a normal person

Flying to SLC Utah, I booked on Delta and chose my seat online. Much better than the cow herding on Southwest. I saw there may have been 4 Asian people getting on the flight. And what do you know, my seat mate was a Japanese girl who attends UW. So I told her excuse me and took my seat. I was prepared to clamp it down and give her her space. But strangely enough, she started asking me where I'm headed and where I was from. Weird, she was not afraid of my Mongol look.

Well, it turned out to be the most enjoyable ride I've ever had on a plane. We did allot of small talk. We are both Asian so there wasn't any fighting for shoulder room. We both listened to our mp3 players. She was even open to switching mp3 players. I got to see what kind of music she was into. She had a Ipod with very tame music on it. I had a cheap $15 player with all sorts of crazy music on it.
It was very friendly and non of that uncomfortable feeling someone is trying to hit on the other. The age difference I believe did that. All good.
We seperated and wish other a good trip and that was it.

A few things were revealed about her. Her name is Laura. Well taken care of all her life. On the flight, she had a box of thank you cards. She was like writing a dozen thank you cards to family members who gave her birthday gifts. She was on a transfer trip to Santa Barbara.
Where she is headed and where she is from, is of money. Family of loving and caring siblings. Never had much to worry about in life. She is studying to teach mentally challenged kids.

Basically, who I am, my past and my future....this Laura was a complete opposite.

I wonder...if she knew I was homeless.............

Can't count on fellow Taiwanese person. So sad.

This thing has been bothering me so much the last few days! I'm going to finally blog about it.

I found the name of a Taiwanese person. For her sake, I'm not going to reveal who or what she is. I didn't run accross her on the internet. But I did get her email address by typing her name in google. I go interested in her because her profession is a financial manager for people. Perfect! Exactly what I need. And she is Taiwanese. This should work!

At the end of each month, I'm broke. Gas for driving here and there. $200 a month on coffee is taxing. Out of boredome, I donate to casinos. All the eating out is not the most frugal either. They say, money flows a fools open hand like sand. I am a fool.

So, I've emailed her. Asking her I need her do me a favor. But she has to promise me she cannot reveal who I am to anyone in the world! I don't need to be paraded around like a circus attraction. Look! Its a homeless ASian Person! Come see him. ...No thank you. So after a couple emails, she is having a hard time understanding what I want.

All I want is to give her cash once in a while and have her hold onto it for a year. I don't want to know who she is. I don't care what she does with it. I just can't have access to it.
I'm not begging her for money. Or any material thing. In fact, I'm trying to give her Money!

Well, she was so confused why someone wants to just give her cash to hold onto. So finally, out of desperation.....I gave her the link to this blog!.....My precious private blog.

I DON'T NEED THE TAIWANESE COMMUNITY IN SEATTLE READING MY BLOG!

So I sent her the link to this blog and asked her it is really important she does not reveal this to anyone in the world....And guess what happens?????

After I gave her this link...she has not replied. She saw I was a homeless and ran. No reply from her since.

I guess Taiwanese people are not as helpful and kind to the plight of other Taiwanese as I thought.

Here is the kicker!......she is very involved with a Asian non-profit agency. YEA, your involved in a non-profit because you have a heart....MY ASS!!!!!

My FU

I've been growing a Fu Manchu. I'm saving it till I see my son on Thursday. Happy to see my son. Sad to leave him later. Bothered I have to put up with his mother for a few days. He hates his Grandma. His mother is too mentally slow to mentally development him properly. My son has never had a playmate. A friend. I've been nagging and nagging her for 6 years to find him a playmate. Happily to report, his mother has allowed him to have a school friend come over to play once in awhile now.





Anyways. Here is my FU. It allows me to have the Fierce look. When I'm around the homeless people. I give them my "Don't fuck with me" look. And even the mentally unstable ones leave me alone. I guess I must have a Fierce look. I remember the last time I went to DT seattle how there was a drunk man dancing around. A Indian woman commented she is worried he is going to get beat up. She was worried about me. She saw my Fierce Stare. Not to worry, the dancing drunk never came near me.

I'll be cutting off the FU in Utah. I'll let my son watch me shave.

Mother Theresa

I don't know how it happened. But I decided to google quotes by Mother Theresa. I am now a big fan. Oh, wait, I know how it happenend. Out of boredom, I've started to write a film script. I'll never complete it. I probably quit in a few days. Its a bad trait of mine. I tend to start great ideas and then quit. I guess I'm a chronic quitter. A trully bad trait.

I've been thinking about starting the film with a good quote. Like in the movie, Slum Dog Millionaire. And I thought Mother Theresa would be a good candidate.

When there is a quote, sometimes, someone will not respect the author of the quote and not pay much attention to the quote. But everyone loves Mother Theresa. How can you not respect her. Its like trying to find a person who doesn't like bananas.

To give or not to give....is the question

99% of the panhandlers you see, will take that money and go buy drugs. I don't know if that is a shocker to anyone, but you'll have to believe me. I'm a expert on the homeless population. That 99% is a very very accurate assessment.

Even that old old sweet looking 75 year old grandpa you see panhandling? Yup..big drug addict. The old man on Rainier and Dearborn. The one who walks very slowly with a limp. Sweet looking old man. Gives a nice smile and wave. Does not look like a drug addict. Hate to say it people, Saw him go around the corner about a year old buying crack from a car. Don't let looks deceive you.

So, a few years ago, I was very adament about not giving any money to any of he beggers. Cause, I know where the money is going. Drugs. But now, I have a change of heart. I now believe its ok to give a little to them. Why? Aren't you just supporting he drug dealers? Well there is 2 reasons...


1. All charity benefits the giver than the one receiving the gift. For 2 dollars, you can give someone and feel good about yourself for the rest of the week. 2 dollars is not going to solve the panhandlers problems. 1 million dollars given by Bill Gates to some organization is just him trying to look good in life. That money will be swallowed up by administration costs. Don't get me started on the non-profits. I've worked for enough of them. I know the ins and outs. Please don't get me started on this. I can give you so many stories of non-profits are just a business and the desire to help is lost.

2. For the first time last night, I had a few drinks in my Van. I drank a 2cups of Rum mixed with orange juice. I don't drink very often. Maybe it was my empty stomach. I only ate a small cup of chili for dinner. But after the first cup, I was feeling really really buzzed from the alcohol

For 2 hours, Gone were the constant pain of loneliness.
For 2 hours, Gone was the anger of God treating me like Job.
For 2 hours, Gone was the chilly night.
For 2 hours, Life was ok


So, maybe the money you give a panhandler will end it in a rich drug dealers hands. But since you can't solve his addiction or cure his mental disease, give him 2 hours of seperation from the demons of his mind.

More tour of my home

Ok, no need to go into too much detail here. There it is. The mighty throne. Line it with plastic bags and presto! $8 a month for a box of 115 bags. Pretty cheap and very effective.

Damn Digital conversion

Why? Why? do they have to convert to digital signals? I only get 2 channels on my small Casio hand held TV. The screen is only 1 inch! lol. But, OH! how precious those 2 channels and little screen is to me!

Damn you FCC!!!

Don't Say "Homeless" people won't understand

There is no worse label you can put yourself than "Homeless". Immediately, the association of .....Loser, Drug Addict, Mental Problems, Smelly, untrustworthy, Psycho, Criminal...basically..here is something wrong with that person besides "no house to live in"

There is 1.5 person who knows about my blog. She is a ex-coworker. L.-I know you probably reading this right now...lol. Well, she some how stumbled upon my blog. And she can attest, I have none of those qualities above.

So what amazes me is that you can put almost any negative label on a person and it's not worse than "Homeless". If You tell someone you are a drug addict or have a mental problem.....there is a little bit of sympathy. A small amount of understand.

But just using the word. I'm Homeless...instead of sympathy, they feel there is something wrong with you to get yourself in that situation.

3 weeks ago, I went to dinner at Todai in DT Seattle. I had dinner with a woman. She was the one who invited me. We haven't seen each other in 3 years. A person who I thought is like a friend. We used to work together for LIHI. She has been stressed with her daughter and life. At dinner, I revealed to her, I am now living in a Van. I am homeless. We had a good dinner and wonderful conversation. Ever since then, I've tried to call her times. Each time, she did not put up the phone. I emailed her. Her replied in a one liner saying she is just stressed with life.

Ok, I got the message. Friendship over. Never say you are homeless. People won't understand.

no wonder people don't buy American cars

I've been trying to change the water pump in my car. I got all the parts. Its not a hard task. I get the serpentine belt off. Start to take a few bolts off the Waterpump and then I saw something. I stared at it and stared and stared in disbelief. I could not believe my eyes. One of the bolts is behind he wheel of the power steering pump. Un-freaken believeable!. The water pump is behind and under the engine. I have to find a way to lift up the car, and take all kinds of things apart to get to the water pump, just to move it 1 inch so I can have clearance for one little bolt!

Ok, I spent half an hour staring at the situation. There must be something I'm missing. Nope, I dont' see anyway around it. A simple 1 hour fix is going to turn into a major 3 hour mess!

Now, I understand what the design engineers were thinking....Well, people just normally take it into our service department. And there its a easier fix cause they can lift the car way up in the air.

But they don't realize, the average poor joe, who has to fix their own cars, are going to laugh at this supidity and next time not buy a Buick again.

No wonder when I took it to a shop last Saturday, the man quoted me $400. I couldn't understand why so much. The water pump I bought brand new at Schucks only costs $35 dollars. $350 in labor charges? I'll do it myself.

For a 1 inch clearance, I have to take almost the whole engine apart! WOW.

no work today..fun on tman show

Business has been very slow for resteraunts. When I walked into work today, the boss told me to take a day off. Is a common thing for us drivers. Once or twice a week, someone will be told to take a day off.

So I went to Safeway and got on the Stickam. Stickam is a webcam community. And the local radio show Tman Show on Kube 93 airs in the morning in Stickam. 6 listeners can be posted on video while the show is being aired. I was chosen as one of those 6 listeners. Finally, for the first time, I was able to use the webcam on my laptop.

I was really fun being on webcam. I've never been on a webcam before. I never knew how clear the webcams can be.

I guess it was enjoyable because I got to do something different in my life for once.

Forcing to day off from work sucks but I really enjoyed it. I'm sure there will be more days I'm forced to take a day off in the future. Currently, I'm averaging around 34 hours a week now.

Why are Senior Asians so pushy?

For some reason, Asian senior citizens tend to lose their politeness as they get older. I understand, we are to be respectful and be patiend with. And I am. In both these incidents.

I'm getting food at the buffet at Ranch 99. I'm paying for my food. The senior Asian lady behind me is basically pushing my shoulder so she can pay. Lady, I can't go faster. I have to wait for my food to be bagged and for my change. Trying to nudge me is not going to help.

I never looked at her, from the corner of my eye I can see she is old. I gave her my old people respect.


Next, I went to the customer service counter to buy a pack of cigarrettes. I put my food on the counter and waited for the clerk to finish talking to another clerk. A old gentle come up next to me. He puts his dollar on the counter and moves up next to me. When the clerk is free, he shoves his dollar in front of me and takes a paper.

I gave him my old people respect


A few days ago, still at Ranch 99, there is around 4 people waiting for bakeries. You know how it is with Asians when it comes to making lines.....who knows where it starts. So I really really wanted a butter bum. So I waited and waited making to sure to note who was there before me. Everytime the clerk was finished with a customer, she would ask "Who is next?" And I would not say anything, to let the ones there before me get their order.

After 10 minutes, I knew I was next. The clerk asks "Who is next?" And a freaken senior Asian woman cuts in front of me and starts ordering. Ok, that really bothered me. But I have to give her the old people respect. But in my head I had a plan. The next time the clerk asks "Who is next?" and if someone jumps in front of me, I'm going to let them order.

And then I'm going to yell "AM I JUST STANDING HERE FOR NOTHING? THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE CUTS IN FRONT OF ME, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A FUCKEN PROBLEM!"

And those that know me, know I'm not kidding. One of my bad traits, I'm not afraid to make a scene.

Its like those many incidents where cars down wait for me to cross the road in chinatown. I"ll purposely stop in the middle of the sidewalk and dare them to run me over as I stare at them. they are stuck in he middl of the street holding up 4 directions. A few times they wait for me to move. A few time they drive around me.

Why are senior Asian so pushy?

People don't really care

One of the crazy beliefs I have......People really don't care about others unless its their job or they feel people are judging them at that moment.

Take in point what just happened at Safeway.......

Its a little breezy for Seattle weather today. A cart blows out the cart bay in the parking lot. It is very close to the entrance of the store. It rolls back in stops in the middle of the parking lot. Literally right smack in the middle where car drive up down.

I'm on the cellphone talking to Schucks about a water pump. (water pump on my car is leaking. My car is my home) The cart is only like 15 feet from the front of the store. My immediate reaction is to go and move it out of the way.....but I stopped myself and decided to watch and see what would happen.

Yup, just like I guessed...People walked in and out of the store and didn't do anything about the cart. A man even walks 2 feet from the cart, gets in is car, backs out and had to go out of his way to drive around it.

Another man, walks straight for the cart, surely he's the guy..he even has a name tag from some store on....but nope! he walks right by it also.

Cars drive by to avoid it, One car just didn't even bother to go down that aisle.

Finally a bagger came and got it.


If its not your job or no one is judging you, you don't really care.

swine flu going to make me smell

Last Friday, no one heard of swine flu. By Monday, the whole world was in a semi-panic. Swine flu reported from Mexico to Europe and Asia. Its like the flu got on their cell phones and decided to call each other and say its time to attack the humans.

You want to be scared? Look up Swine flu on Wikipedia. Look at the dates. How in the world does this flu know when to get stronger. 1918-1956-1967-1976....2009 would fit right in the trend.

Well, I didn't take a shower today. Just in case things are not as safe as the officials has been telling us. I'm staying away from showers and fitness centers filled with people.

The choice is either smell bad or get sick. I don't mind smelling bad.

Asian and their Peepee Insecurity

I went into the Safeway bathroom to pee. Immediately after I'm standing at the urinal, a Asian Man comes in. There is only 2 urinals. He goes to the other urinal and stands with his back completely, to me! I've never seen anything like it! He is literally on the side of the urinal instead of infront. Why are Asian men so insecure with their peepees???

I understand our weiner is tad on the small side relative to other races. But we are men. We really don't care. Besides, I'm Asian too!

I can understand maybe a little side angle to me. But this guy has his back completely to me!

I'm not sure what department he works in, but he's got his Safeway hat and gear on. Most likely in the Deli department. Safeway all have an Asian food deli section now.

New Found Respect for Fat people

One time in LA fitness, I stripped to my underwear and headed for the showers. At the same time, a huge black man heads for the shower right in front me! He is like 6'5" and at least 250 lbs and NAKED. Are you freaken serious! I have to walk behind him?

I feel like a freaken ant behind him. He's strolling in all his freedom without a care in the world. He was a freak of a physical specimen. Muscles everywhere and not an ounce of fat. And I have to walk behind this! Geezez.

One thing about Fitness clubs is, you can't hide your physical physic. You wear very little clothing and most of it is tight fitting. You don't get to wear a mumu to hide your fatness.

Surprisingly, everytime I go into a LA fitness, I'll see someone who weighs around 400 lbs. I"ve never been a woman, but these 400 lb women running around with other women with perfect bodies must be a immense mental challenge.

I have to give some kudos for these fat people, having the courage goto a fitness center. It can't be the most comfortable place they choose to be.

More on my strolling

So I never finished writing about my stroll in Seattle on Saturday.

Its dusk and I've walked down Jackson lost in the masses of Sounder fans, Hoodlums, and workers scurring to get home. I turned on 4th to head up to DT Seattle.

As I walked up 4th, I wanted to cross the street to rest at the park. Then I noticed a drunk Indian woman spawled out on the sidewalk throwing things around. So here I have the option, ---cross the street because it just gave me the walk sign. Or continue on this side of the street and walk past a crazy drunk woman. I think you can guess which pass I took.

So as I'm walking toward this crazy mess of a woman, all of sudden, a Drunk white guy staggers out of the bar. He almost ran into the street. He turns around and is smack face to face with me. He give out a hefty greeting to me. (I can't remember what he says) And he raises his hand to give me a high five. Ok, why not, I enthusistiacally give him a high five.

Well, he was too drunk and our hands missed competely! lol Now he opens his arms wide and want to give me a hug. Oh, why not and I gave him a hug. And I then walked past him to go witness the car wreck of a drunk woman on a sidewalk throwing things around.

Nothing new to report here about her, just a typical drunk on sidewalk. We all seen it.


Around 8:15 pm, I finally got to the Pike Market. Its pretty much a scene of empty stalls, workers hosing and cleaning bins, and lost tourists. A guy with a sleeping bag takes a double look at me and offers me his sleeping bag for $2. He says he's only used it once. So in the middle of the sidewalk with tourists walking around us, he unrolls his sleeping bag and gives me his best sales pitch. He wants $2. Oh what the hell. I bought the sleeping bag.

What the hell am I going to do with a sleeping bag? There is no way in hell I'm going to use it. The guy had a typical homeless ranky smell. Who knows what else the bag has absorbed from this man! So here I am, walking down Pike Market really really looking homeless with a sleeping bag in tow! lol

Well, good thing, not too far, I come accross the row of Indians sitting in a row. There is one thing I always thought was odd about the Indians at Pike Market. The Pike Market Park is basically the Native Americans local bar. And for some reason, they always sit in a row. Its like its a unwritten rule for them! No sitting face to face. You all must sit in a row. And it's got to be at least 10 deep.

Next time you go there, check it out. Native Americans, sitting in a row at least 10 deep. Well, they thought I was a Native because of my long hair and facial hair. Well, I just called out who wants a sleeping bag and that was that. Bag given away.

So in a matter of 10 minutes I bought something I don't want and gave it away. Felt pretty good

Well, the guy who took my sleeping bag was so grateful, he gave me a cross he made from string. Its pretty nice. Its Red.

I should start putting up picture of things I blog about.


That's the beauty about being homeless and looking pretty fierce. I can anywhere and do anything. I can hug a drunk guy. A Man in a suit giving a drunk guy a hug?...may be frowned upon. A man in a suit may have a walk-in closet and tub to soak in...but I got the freedom to whatever I want.

This blog is really for one person

Ok, I guess I'm going to rant a little about bloggers and blogging

The truth about most blogs is....no one cares about your blog! You have to be insane to think "Oh, my life is so interesting, people will want to read it!" Sorry buddy. Everything thinks their life is interesting. The other problem is, the people who would have a interest in reading blogs, well .................are too busy typing their own blog.

(we talking most general blogs. here)

Us humans seem to have this need to have our opinions heard. To know we are revelavant somehow. To tel the world, Hey! I'm alive. Its a weird combination of our ego, pride, a need to create...mainly its just ego.

For me, I have al those shallow human needs stated above but also another reason. Personally, the less people reading this..the better.

Someday, my son will wonder who his father is. I"m not going to convince him who I am. I'll just let him read my sillly stories and let him judge.

The living Dead

Last night, I went to Seattle. I almost turned around. What is there in Seattle I haven't seen? Well, I had nothing better to do so why not.

I parked my Van just East of Little Saigon. And at 7:30 pm starting walking toward the Pike Market. At this time, its Dusk. Thousands of people and families were headed to Qwest field for a Sounders game. They wore green and carried merry makers. They were a true view of what life should be about. Family/friends spending time together. Experiencing life together. Good or Bad. The way it shoud be.

At dusk, Seattle's Chinatown is like straight out of a Zombie movie. As I walked through Little Saigon and Chinatown, Store keepers are scurring to pull down metal doors. Huge metal gates are pulled accross their store fronts. I walk past a young Asian man as he try to place a lock on these huge metal doors. He makes a quick glance at me A look of ...yes you are the reason I'm doing this.

Like a weird transformation, At dusk, The Asian people disappear in huge numbers. And then........, the homeless, the drug addicts, the prostitutes, the pimps that circle around, The Living Dead seem to Magically appear and retake Chinatown. Where they hide in the day.... sometimes it seems to be a mystery to me also.

Chinatown's tolerance of the illicit activity at night is question many have asked. I mean, these mainly drug addicts stand out like a sore thumb ...so why Chinatown? Well, the answer is similar to where I throw away my trash. Everyday, after work, I go behind Ranch 99 and throw away my trash. There is always a few people hanging around back there. I'm sure partrons and workers have seen me illegally dump my trash into their dumpster. I'm sure they seen me, BUT no one has approached me and said anything. I don't know how to explain it, but there is a corrolation between my story and the reason why Chinatown is a haven for the Drug addicts.

Mistakes in the last entry

Ok, that last entry had a few mistakes.

It should be....."Phony as a 3 dollar bill"

Carrie Underwood

Ok, I'm starting to like Country Music and I really never thought it would about this way.

A few years ago, I was working at a Food Bank in Redmond and Carrie Underwood was a contestant on American Idol. The receptionist and the Energy Aid worker were as phony as a dollar bill. They both try to act like they care about the welfare of people but deep inside they were very bias on who they liked to show their care.

Well, both of them were loved and loved the contestant Carrie Underwood. Other contestants can sing just as well but Carrie is White, Country and Pretty. So there you go.

Well, that bothered me immensely. To the point, well, I was anti Carrie Underwood.

Years pass----Recently, I saw Carrie Underwood live back on American Idol with Randy Travis. I was pretty impressed. So I downloaded a few of her songs. I am now a Fan. I"ve even started listening to other Country songs.

"Jesus Take the Wheel"
"Home Sweet Home"
"So Small"
"I Told You So"

If you don't like country, check these 4 songs out by her.

More on getting Asian men to act right

Ok, so a continuation of my rant on how Asian Men act (Why Asian Women don't respect Asian Men)

3- Stop trying to have better hair then the women.
The Japanese Boys are real big offenders of this. If you spend as much time in a Salon to color and perm you hair as a woman...their is something wrong. Why are you trying to look
"cute" And the key word is "Boy" because you sure don't look manly.

4- Learn to give compliments
Blacks, White, Hispanics....they will verbally tell a woman if how well she looks today. When is the last time you heard a Asian Man say nice things to a woman in public? This Asian attitude of "too macho to say anything nice" is so weak. In fact, the Asian macho points to how insecure they really are.
I'm not talking about trying to pick up a woman or verbally sexual assault them. I'm talking about a simple. "You look nice today" "I like what you wear"

5- Enough with the smoking
I was walking in Downtown Seattle about a year ago. A homeless guy asks me for a cigarette. I wasn't smoking. I was just walking. So I asked him...Why do you think I would have a cigarette. And his reply..."Because you are Asian" And we had a good laugh over that. lol

Its What happens when you find paradise.......

7:30 pm. I fell asleep and took a nap. Got to Safeway a little late. Well, there is me and 2 other men sitting here at Safeway. And guess what? Both of them are middle aged Asian men and both are staring at laptops also. The Chinese are taking over...even at Safeway!

And if you had to guess, between us 3 Asian guys, who is the homeles guy....I would be the least homeless looking guy.

Its either they are crowding my style or I'm not the Christopher Columbus of Safeway (Asian style).

Why Asian Men prefer White men

I don't know where I"m going with this subject but I figure it needs to be addressed. Basically, the core of the issue is that .....Asian women don't respect Asian men.
And to start and arguement, that's why Married Asian Couples have allot of arguements.

In reality, I don't blame them the Women. Asian men are kind of the ones to blame for this.

I have so much to whine about this subject..I'll be coming back frequently to add to it.


1- What's with the Collar Popping among the Asian men? You know, they stick their collar up on their shirts to look cool....and to hide our skinny necks. BUT IT DOESN'T LOOK COOL! In fact..the reverse affect happens. They look gay and desperate. I just want to laugh everytime I see a guy with a popped collar. LAME.

2- Too black or too White
At different stages of a Asian's person's life...we sometimes gravitate toward white music and ways. Then all of sudden we decide we like Black ways. Ok, so us Asians don't have much cultural identification to latch onto in US. We only have food.
But that doesn't mean to go over board! 2 examples.
a) Young ASian man at Ranch 99 with sideway hat and trying hard to walk with a pimp limp. Orders 2 pounds of roast pig and somehow the words of "Dog" "Cool" "Man" were spoken to the Chinese butcher who can barely understand English. At least I got a kick out of it.

b) Seattle Deli. A 30's Asian man gets his Sandwich and gets into a 1970's Mustang. He's got the slick back hair and must put on huge Sunglasses before driving. He's hoping his American classic car and Huge sunglasses will somehow magically give him coolness and hide the fact he is Asian and turn him white. All I know is, after 1 year, that picture of that guy is still stuck in my head. A sorry individual trying to be who he can't be.

I guess Basically, STOP TRYING TO ACT "ITS EMBARRASSING TO BE ASIAN". For Christ sakes, be a normal dressing and acting Human Being.


There is so much more to ad on this but I need to go eat and take a shower.

Can Democracy prevail in this test?

So I only get like 2.5 channels on my little TV. I was able to watch my favorite show last night, "American Idol". During a few commercial breaks, I was able to catch a few minute here and a minute there of some program on PBS. I'm not sure if it was Front Line or NOVA. It was a segment showcasing the lately prototypes of "Green" cars. I flipped over there a couple times and those couple times were very profound.

First time I caught a snippet----------- There are 800 million cars in the world. Lined up, it would circle the earth 100 times. The debate if their is Gobal Warming is over. The debate is how and when it will effect the earth.

Second Snippet I caught-------The auto industry will not switch over to greener technology. The decision to switch over to a greener technology will be up to the consumer or the government. Since the auto industry is reluctant to switch because of cost and profit and the oil industry...it would be up to a government to mandate something.


So this whole thing got me thinking of the bigger picture. Democracy, communism, facism...whatever type of government you name...how successful it is depends on the economic power of the country.

My personally choice is Democracy. However, this crisis may showcase an example where democracy may not rise to the occasion!

All politicians, from the President down to your local councilman, make decisions based on money. It took President Obama over 1 billion dollars to get elected. The elected official must answer to the money and the people who gave those money to get him elected.

Will there be a President who is strong is enough to Mandate (a future date) a ban on all gasoline car? Millions of jobs will be transformed or lost. Gas stations industry will be lost. It would be a political disaster!!

However, our government does not mandage our ban on gasoline cars, the Earth will force it upon us. At some point, Climate Change will/maybe get so dangerous where it will force our hand to convert.

At that point, it would be too late.

A King . A person not elected and must answer to money..can make this decision. Well, I'm going to have to clairify. A Just and Wise King. Those are hard to find. Power corrupts.

So this is a great test of the United States. Democracy has been wonderful. I wouldn't trade it for anything else. But will a leader emerge that will be willing to make such a hard decision?

Some may argue that transforming America off gasoline engines will not help very much. The rest of the world will still smog up the air with gas cars. But If you invent it and build it, the rest of the world follow. Someone has to take the lead. And if we are the most powerful country in the world, we have to be the leader in this.


We had the Bronze Age, Industrial Age, The Information Age really leaped us exponantially in our standard of living.

The next Age will be the Transportation Age.

Nothing to complain about

Well, this kind of sucks. I'm going to complain about there is nothing complain about. I"m a natural whiner. But there is really nothing to whine about right now. The weather is beautiful. I"m not waking up with frost on the window. I ate a big plate of Yakisoba today.

I bought a case of beer and the checkout lady demanded to see my ID. Nothing to complain about there.

I have long hair and facial hair. I look really fierce. Some middle aged woman with her son walks past me and smiles. YOu know, its one of those smiles not to say hi....its a smile to well.....I'll smile at that fierce looking homeless man and things will be ok. She's got the "be friendly to others and they will be friendly to you.....and please don't hurt me"....lol.

Well, a smile is a smile. I'll take it.

Oh, I do I have a complaint!!! My Hanes underwear has fooled me again. The Hanes underwear decided they want to be unique and put their label in the front instead of the back. What is wrong with them? Why can't they go with the flow and put the label on the back of he undewear.

It is now twice!!! That I've noticed I've got my underwear backwards and the opening side of my underwear is on my butt instead of the front!.

That's not very cute when you are walking around a Fitness Club after showering with the opening of your underwear on you butt side. A big no no.

Geezez, now everytime I put on my underwear I have to check to see if its the right way. Why does Hands have to screw with that?

Born into Brothels

Thank God for Netflix. I'm able to keep myself sane by watching movies constantly at Safeway. They have a watch online section but the movie titles are limited.

I started watching "Born into Brothels". I"ve only watched maybe half of it and I'm not sure if I'll finish watching it. Don't get me wrong. Its a good movie. But a documentary without a plot makes it hard to keep my attention.

The movie is about a photographer who befriends a group of children in the brothels of Calcutta India. She gives them cameras and teaches them how to use them. It as almost impossible for her to film in the red light district. So her solution was to use the children.

The result was some very real images of lives their lives.

For me, it kind of hits home, I have nothing to complain about. My situation is not desirable but there are much worse off people in the world.

Pretty much most of those children in the brothels will grow up to be a prostitute themsleves, or other illegal indevers. They have a dire situation. A tough climb out.

And unlike them, I have the option to fix who I am.

well this sucks

I'm about to leave Safeway. Its 7:30 pm. But then I noticed the battery is almos dead on my laptop. I didn't push the plug all the way into the computer. So I've been running on battery. I guess I have to sit here for another hour. Sigh. I haven't ate anything today yet. Hungry. I was ready to get out of here and goto Burger King.

My home on wheels

It looks nice from the outside and the inside. But the engine really smokes bad when it first started. And I had a transmission shop check out the transmission. He told me to sell the van now while its worth something!!! He guesses I have maybe 10k more miles left on the van before it costs more to fix it than its worth right now.

Sigh.

not feeling well

2 days ago, I didn't eat dinner. The following day, I was too exhausted after work. I slept in my van. I did not have the energy to get to Safeway to use the internet.

Today, I'm very depressed.

No money. No love. No desire to even write about any complaints.

Physically strong, Mentally weak

About 2 weeks ago, it snowed like crazy. Then the very following day, it was like 70 degrees. Global warming, Climate Change, ...whatever you want to call it. Its happening.

Its been around 36 degrees when I wake up in the morning. Yesterday, I had the candle lit when i woke up. I could see my breath. If you can see your breath inside a van, I say its pretty chilly.

I don't mind the physical inconvenience of being homeless. When I was 15, I was so exhausted and found a secluded placed next to a railroad track. I was shivering so bad trying to fall asleep. The hard ground was not helping at all. Compared to the railroad tracks, my van is a oasis.

So now, I have a huge tolerance of pain. There's been many times, I've cut myself and would not realize it. It just feels like a itch until I see the blood.

The hard part of being homeless is the mental aspect. The loneliness. The boredom. I can't remember the last time I've had a conversation with someone besides Tran. Must be months now. Saying hello to customers at my job or ordering a coffee is hardly a conversation. I trully miss my son. It really hurts inside.

Last night I sobbed in my van before I went to sleep. I sittiing there dreaming how I"ve never had a home in my life. Of course I've lived in houses and apartments before in my life...But never a home.

I was dreaming how nice it would be, To wake up in the morning and have someone to say good morning to. To know you love someone and they love you. And then I couldn't keep the tears from falling.

The few years I lived with Kim and when Benjamin was born....I never felt loved. I do miss my son so much.

Watching people at Ranch 99

Today was a really cloudy day and some drizzle. Not much sun at all. I'm driving and I see a young man at a bus stop and he is wearing sunglasses. Really? Its that important to be cool to have the need to wear sunglasses with a sky full of clouds?

I don't own a pair of sunglasses.

Well, that normally would not warrant a blog but then this happened at Ranch 99 when I went to get some food.

I sat at the tables in the mini Food Court area (Food Court is really a major stretch but I have no idea how else to label it)...ok...a few tables they set up for you to eat.

Well, my seat allowed me to watch as people walk a 20 foot section as they approach the BBQ and hot food area. It gives me my entertainment for the day. Its amazing watching women walk. There is something really sensual he way women walk. NOt the crazy cat walk of models but normal everyday women strolling. They are just walking! And yet, how is it that something is placed in our men's brains that is attracted to it? Why are we not attracted to the way a horse walks or the stroll of a pig?

This Asian fella comes walking in with really dark sunglasses on. Really? You really feel he need to be cool so bad, you have to wear sunglasses inside a building and outside in raining weather?
Then of course, he's got his designer jeans and "wantabe" cool walk. He's got a major "Dork" all over him. And to top it all off, yup...you guess it! He's wearing a blue tooth in his ear and no one to talk to.

Cmon Asian people! Stop tring so hard to be cool.

Another Example I'm Not Normal

A couple days ago, I was siting in Safeway watching "The Bucket List" I enjoyed the movie all the way through. Toward the end, I was actually holding back tears. Here I am, siting in Safeway and almost crying! Not the best place to be showing tears.

Anyways, I loved the movie. Thought it was a good movie. So I went and checked on Yahoo movies about it and the critics gave it a "C"!!!! What? You have to be kidding.

Then I checked the Tomatoe website that reviews movies. And only 30% of the people thought it was a good movie! What?

Its the same ol saying again. Its either everyone in the world is crazy or I'm crazy. Its probably me.

Oh well.

Hot Water Solved

Washing your face in 40 degree water is not the most pleasant experience. I actually have a nice little coleman stove I can heat up water with. But its not the safest thing to run a stove inside a van. The van will smell of the fumes. And when your trying to be incomspicious, the light from the flames kind of give me away. So what to do ...what to do...

I went to Walmart and bought the best Thermo I can find. $21 bucks! But worth it. I went and filled up with hot water from a Chinese Resteraunt. Supposely, the thermo can hold heat for 24 hours. Not bad.

Tonight, instant coffee or a cup of ramen!

Don't take hot water for granted people.

Does a Baby poop in the stomach?

So Tran had his first baby girl 6 days ago. He calls me up and is amazed that his daughter knows when it poops and pees and would cry! A baby seem to be oblivious to anything around them but seems to know why it poops or pees. And how come it would know to cry?

Which lead to the question...Does a baby poop when it was in the mother's stomach? Hmmmm. If it does poop in the stomach...gross!!!

If it doesn't poop in the stomach...How does it know its out and can now poop? And how does he/she know it is ok to poop now?

Wow, another mysterious miracle of life.

And for some reason its one of those mysterious in life that I don't want the answer to. Sometimes its better not to know the answer and just be mizmerized by life. Sort of like choosing not knowing how magicians do their thing. Cause he aura of wonderment is lost once you know.

My Bed

4 Inches of Foam and a Blanket on top of a 3/4 inch Plywood. For a guy with a litte aching back, it is very comfortable.

Sitting in Safeway

I've finally found the perfect place to hang out! It's not easy for a homeless man with a laptop to find a good place.

Starbucks- Not a good place for a homeless guy. I don't need super giddy baristas staring at me wondering why I have no life. But the wifi at Starbucks are really good and fast.

Mcdonalds- Not a bad place to hang out. The staff are usually Hispanic and don't mind seeing poor men and they are trained to be very corteous. However, Mcdonald's wifi really really suck! he average KB download is around 35. There is one Mcdonalds in Renton by the airport that is really super fast.

So where did I find my place to hang out???? Safeway!!! Yes Safeway.

The wifi is 100% free. No Boingo signup like Starbucks or Mcd's. And the speed is rediculously fast. It runs on like 400k download. I just signed up for Netflix today. And one of the options on Netflix is the ability to watch movies online. So I watched "Letters from Iwo Jima" The speed is so fast in Safeway, I was able to watch a movie with no slow down at all. Amazing!

And the other fantastic thing about Safeway?....They have cushioned benches! It may sound trivial but for me its a real blessing. No more aching butt from sitting in Mcdonalds or Starbucks! I love it!

So, you'll find me sitting at the Safeway in Burien from now on!