I continue to see evidence the Church is not for me. And yet, again and again, God makes his presence known to me.
Ok, a delusional statement is about to come - My life has been following the path of 2 movies.
Have I not suffered enough? Have I not suffered the most painful sentence handed to a man - loneliness? When does it end?
.....No, in 2014 I realized God's wisdom. No, I have not suffered enough. For I all my life, I had never begged. No matter what dire environment I have been in, I never begged. I had pride. It was not until this year.
I had to beg. Begging, it breaks a man down. For with begging, is fear. I have faced the most evil men on earth, the most physical environments. I have no fear. It was not until now, I knew fear. Pride gone. I had to beg.
Once you beg, you are faced to face with death. You are nothing. Your very existence is now in the hands of others. Do they wish to save you? You are humbled.
I am on the path of the movies Good Will Hunting and Les Miserables. Good Will Hunting is already played out in my life.
Now I'm on the path of Les Miserables. In order for his soul to be saved, Valjean had to be broken to his knees. I know see the ways of my failures. I failed myself. And God keeps on trying to save me.