Sick

I sucks being sick. I watched the DVD Crashed last night. It's not the kind of movie I would be drawn to. But it had good reviews so I gave it a try. There is a part that made me cry so hard. I've never cried so hard in a movie. So I guess there is some good about that movie.

Where is the hair?

Ok, so I shaved to let my son see what shaving is all about. Don't worry, I'm growing it all back. Didn't take many pictures. Really miss my son right now. Sad to leave him. I feel his lonliness also. But I'm also happy to be away from his mother. At least 4 times she really got on my nerves. Like, we too our son to his first soccer game the day after I landed. She got him shin guards. But didn't know to buy him soccer shoes. So, while all the other kids were playing a serious game of soccer in spike shoes....my son is running around the field in shoes that has flashing lights.....lmao. So funny right now, but sitting on the sidelines, I was so mad and embarrassed.

Can't wait to have my Mongol look back. It takes me like a month to grow my Fu Manchu.

Acting as a normal person

Flying to SLC Utah, I booked on Delta and chose my seat online. Much better than the cow herding on Southwest. I saw there may have been 4 Asian people getting on the flight. And what do you know, my seat mate was a Japanese girl who attends UW. So I told her excuse me and took my seat. I was prepared to clamp it down and give her her space. But strangely enough, she started asking me where I'm headed and where I was from. Weird, she was not afraid of my Mongol look.

Well, it turned out to be the most enjoyable ride I've ever had on a plane. We did allot of small talk. We are both Asian so there wasn't any fighting for shoulder room. We both listened to our mp3 players. She was even open to switching mp3 players. I got to see what kind of music she was into. She had a Ipod with very tame music on it. I had a cheap $15 player with all sorts of crazy music on it.
It was very friendly and non of that uncomfortable feeling someone is trying to hit on the other. The age difference I believe did that. All good.
We seperated and wish other a good trip and that was it.

A few things were revealed about her. Her name is Laura. Well taken care of all her life. On the flight, she had a box of thank you cards. She was like writing a dozen thank you cards to family members who gave her birthday gifts. She was on a transfer trip to Santa Barbara.
Where she is headed and where she is from, is of money. Family of loving and caring siblings. Never had much to worry about in life. She is studying to teach mentally challenged kids.

Basically, who I am, my past and my future....this Laura was a complete opposite.

I wonder...if she knew I was homeless.............

Can't count on fellow Taiwanese person. So sad.

This thing has been bothering me so much the last few days! I'm going to finally blog about it.

I found the name of a Taiwanese person. For her sake, I'm not going to reveal who or what she is. I didn't run accross her on the internet. But I did get her email address by typing her name in google. I go interested in her because her profession is a financial manager for people. Perfect! Exactly what I need. And she is Taiwanese. This should work!

At the end of each month, I'm broke. Gas for driving here and there. $200 a month on coffee is taxing. Out of boredome, I donate to casinos. All the eating out is not the most frugal either. They say, money flows a fools open hand like sand. I am a fool.

So, I've emailed her. Asking her I need her do me a favor. But she has to promise me she cannot reveal who I am to anyone in the world! I don't need to be paraded around like a circus attraction. Look! Its a homeless ASian Person! Come see him. ...No thank you. So after a couple emails, she is having a hard time understanding what I want.

All I want is to give her cash once in a while and have her hold onto it for a year. I don't want to know who she is. I don't care what she does with it. I just can't have access to it.
I'm not begging her for money. Or any material thing. In fact, I'm trying to give her Money!

Well, she was so confused why someone wants to just give her cash to hold onto. So finally, out of desperation.....I gave her the link to this blog!.....My precious private blog.

I DON'T NEED THE TAIWANESE COMMUNITY IN SEATTLE READING MY BLOG!

So I sent her the link to this blog and asked her it is really important she does not reveal this to anyone in the world....And guess what happens?????

After I gave her this link...she has not replied. She saw I was a homeless and ran. No reply from her since.

I guess Taiwanese people are not as helpful and kind to the plight of other Taiwanese as I thought.

Here is the kicker!......she is very involved with a Asian non-profit agency. YEA, your involved in a non-profit because you have a heart....MY ASS!!!!!

My FU

I've been growing a Fu Manchu. I'm saving it till I see my son on Thursday. Happy to see my son. Sad to leave him later. Bothered I have to put up with his mother for a few days. He hates his Grandma. His mother is too mentally slow to mentally development him properly. My son has never had a playmate. A friend. I've been nagging and nagging her for 6 years to find him a playmate. Happily to report, his mother has allowed him to have a school friend come over to play once in awhile now.





Anyways. Here is my FU. It allows me to have the Fierce look. When I'm around the homeless people. I give them my "Don't fuck with me" look. And even the mentally unstable ones leave me alone. I guess I must have a Fierce look. I remember the last time I went to DT seattle how there was a drunk man dancing around. A Indian woman commented she is worried he is going to get beat up. She was worried about me. She saw my Fierce Stare. Not to worry, the dancing drunk never came near me.

I'll be cutting off the FU in Utah. I'll let my son watch me shave.

Mother Theresa

I don't know how it happened. But I decided to google quotes by Mother Theresa. I am now a big fan. Oh, wait, I know how it happenend. Out of boredom, I've started to write a film script. I'll never complete it. I probably quit in a few days. Its a bad trait of mine. I tend to start great ideas and then quit. I guess I'm a chronic quitter. A trully bad trait.

I've been thinking about starting the film with a good quote. Like in the movie, Slum Dog Millionaire. And I thought Mother Theresa would be a good candidate.

When there is a quote, sometimes, someone will not respect the author of the quote and not pay much attention to the quote. But everyone loves Mother Theresa. How can you not respect her. Its like trying to find a person who doesn't like bananas.

To give or not to give....is the question

99% of the panhandlers you see, will take that money and go buy drugs. I don't know if that is a shocker to anyone, but you'll have to believe me. I'm a expert on the homeless population. That 99% is a very very accurate assessment.

Even that old old sweet looking 75 year old grandpa you see panhandling? Yup..big drug addict. The old man on Rainier and Dearborn. The one who walks very slowly with a limp. Sweet looking old man. Gives a nice smile and wave. Does not look like a drug addict. Hate to say it people, Saw him go around the corner about a year old buying crack from a car. Don't let looks deceive you.

So, a few years ago, I was very adament about not giving any money to any of he beggers. Cause, I know where the money is going. Drugs. But now, I have a change of heart. I now believe its ok to give a little to them. Why? Aren't you just supporting he drug dealers? Well there is 2 reasons...


1. All charity benefits the giver than the one receiving the gift. For 2 dollars, you can give someone and feel good about yourself for the rest of the week. 2 dollars is not going to solve the panhandlers problems. 1 million dollars given by Bill Gates to some organization is just him trying to look good in life. That money will be swallowed up by administration costs. Don't get me started on the non-profits. I've worked for enough of them. I know the ins and outs. Please don't get me started on this. I can give you so many stories of non-profits are just a business and the desire to help is lost.

2. For the first time last night, I had a few drinks in my Van. I drank a 2cups of Rum mixed with orange juice. I don't drink very often. Maybe it was my empty stomach. I only ate a small cup of chili for dinner. But after the first cup, I was feeling really really buzzed from the alcohol

For 2 hours, Gone were the constant pain of loneliness.
For 2 hours, Gone was the anger of God treating me like Job.
For 2 hours, Gone was the chilly night.
For 2 hours, Life was ok


So, maybe the money you give a panhandler will end it in a rich drug dealers hands. But since you can't solve his addiction or cure his mental disease, give him 2 hours of seperation from the demons of his mind.